Thursday, December 29, 2011

my heart is full

i'm still trying to wrap my mind around it
trying to grasp the reality of the life i'm living right now
because what's going on is pretty unbelievable.
& what is to come is pretty unbelievable.

i think i have a tendency to want to understand it all at once, so i can hold it all in my arms and just sit with it for a while. but i've come to realize & accept that's not possible. i've come to understand that's not even what i want. i don't want the big picture, i want to purely exist in these moments that are so alive and are given to me. these moments, these breaths, these people, these emotions are gifts from God. i'd be missing it if i had it all. i wouldn't be able to appreciate the tenderness & intimacy of every experience and creature in my life. & that's why right now, i'm able to just sit in excitement for the journey ahead of me.

i am going to hawaii. 
i will be there in less than a week.

i'm going to meet beautiful people with beautiful souls
i'm going to smell & taste unfamiliar foods
i'm going to see things that will make me cry
i'm going to read things that will breathe new life
i'm going to experience things i'm not even ready for
i'm going to follow Jesus.

& my heart is so full.

so, i'm going.
i'm leaving. 
& because i don't like the sound of that,
we'll say i'm going on a little voyage. 
i'm just going off for a bit & i'll be back soon.

and i couldn't have done it without any of you. your words, your wisdom, your encouragement & crazy amount of support, your love that reaches to the moon, your prayer, and your faith has helped make this possible.

thank you. forever. for always. for everything.

He can move mountains.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

living close to You

Stir up our hearts, O LORD, that our trust in YOU would speak of YOUR SON. Grant us, YOUR people, the wisdom to see YOUR purposes today and the openness to hear YOUR will, that we may witness to CHRIST’s coming and so prepare HIS way; through JESUS CHRIST our LORD, who lives and reigns with YOU and the HOLY SPIRIT, one GOD, now and forever.

this prayer rings so true, the words are exact for the desires in my heart towards my time in Advent & also my journey towards YWAM.

there's selflessness that comes with this, humility, an act of surrendering your life over to be open to the call of our Father. a willingness to be the hands and the feet of our God here on Earth.
for He is coming and we were created to live for Him.

this holiday season has been the first time where i've really understood what it's supposed to be about. what being thankful looks and really feels like. what Advent means & how it should be reflected. 
it's not about the crunch time to find perfect gifts, how much money is in my bank account, what date everyone is coming into town, or all the times of parties and dinners and shows. & although i already know that's not what the Holiday season is about, it's what seems to be the consistency of the conversations and actions leading up to the arrival of Christmas day. we have this eagerness and anxiousness during Christmas season. we want to finish finals and have a breath of fresh air, we want to get home and spend time with our families, but this isn't the right anticipation in our hearts.

there's stillness, bountiful amounts of joy and excitement, tender moments that are alive with beauty that could only come from our Father and a deep understanding of what God is doing in the weeks leading up to Christmas. do we experience this everyday? or do we experience stress?

we need to slow down
to quiet our hearts & minds and sit with the Lord
to ask for wisdom to see His purpose in today 
to prepare the way for the Lord for HE HAS COME, HE IS HERE, AND HE IS COMING.

what could be a better time to live this out than now?

it's so evident how shackled i was, even weeks ago!, with doubts and fears of my future. I was not still. i was not meditating on Him. my mind was racing through every possible option of what could happen in the future, believing that I needed to have everything figured out and I could do that all on my own. I was not trusting.

BUT GOD HAS RELEASED ME. there has been a transformation in my life (isn't it amazing how He keeps renewing & restoring!?) i am listening. i am surrendering my doubts, my fears, my desires, my life, over to Him and my mind is refreshed! i am ALIVE and only breathing in excitement. 

He has been making all things possible for me, from giving peace & acceptance to my friends and family, to delivering incredible amounts of income overnight. i am going. & i give SO much of my thanks to all of you who read & are moved by what God is doing, He is showing tangible pieces of his love through your donations and kind words. He gives so much encouragement through them & it's so evident how supported I really am. thank you. from the bottom of my heart. for reading, for giving, for praying, for loving.
He gives and He gives and He gives and He gives.

living close to You
we shall see Your hand
Your purpose
Your will through all things.
-St. Ignatius

may we all continue to live close to Him
to be fully present in the work He is doing right now
to be open & willing to hear Him
to let Him use our hands & feet for His Kingdom
to be a strong warrior 
& to forever give glory and praise to Him

for a daily piece of meditation this Advent season, check out Beautiful Advent & soak up the good Word of God. He is coming.