Wednesday, November 30, 2011


i have a choice. 

everyday i am confronted with a decision. either to fall into worry & disbelief that the journey ahead of me will happen, or to trust, wholeheartedly, that God can do all things. that He can provide. that He can make YWAM happen.

& i have to remind myself this. daily. 
it's as if my mind tries to destruct all of this strength I have. as soon as I get up on my two feet, right as things are clear & i finally understand and believe, my mind finds every possible excuse, lie, or worry to replace all of the goodness and trust that was just planted.

but God is an intimate & all knowing God. this is when He does really beautiful things that just make me laugh at how silly my thoughts and actions are sometimes.

it's seems only right that i am experiencing these emotions right now, it's as if God has this witty little sense of humor reminding me that this is the time of Advent.

I need to still my heart.


do you know this word? have you experienced this in your heart?
there have been pure moments in the past few weeks where this tangible peace, this overwhelming sense of stillness has come over my heart. just a little reminder to quiet the thoughts in my head. to fully trust Him.

"remember, there are two things which are more utterly incompatible then even oil and water, and these two are trust and worry...when a believer really trusts anything, he ceases to worry about the thing which he has trusted. & when he worries, it is plain proof that he does not trust." Hannah Whitall Smith

"Jesus has come, Jesus is here, Jesus is coming"
i believe this.
I need to live my life acting like I believe this.
watching for Him.
living for Him.
being radically obedient for Him.

He has called me to go forth. to be a disciple to the Nations.

once struggling with a burden, my dearest friend Frances said this to me: "in that moment, when you choose other than to follow Christ in that decision, you are saying that He is not enough."

when i give in to worry, when i give in to fears and lies and deceptions, I am saying that my Maker is not enough. The one who made me. the one who sacrificed His whole life for me. so that i, a worthless sinner, could live. 

I need to make the choice.
to fully trust in Him.

i'm 1/3 of the way there financially. God provided an immense amount of money to me within a matter or two days last week to get me to this point. i'm 1/3 of the way there.
i can do this.
we can do this.
i will trust him.
i will quiet my mind.
i will still my heart.
i will be like Phillip & radically obey Him.
i will follow Him.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

take heart

"isn't it a great thing to feel the indwelling of the Holy Spirit permeate your entire being? and then follow his guidance into the unknown?

it is a ball of fright, passion & humility.
it is something that will impact the rest of your existence here.
don't forget about the journey it took to get to this point. 
Don't forget about the actual experience, the sentences you'll be living will end in a chapter. And don't forget to continue to let the Holy Spirit guide you as you heed his call -- even after this chapter is complete, you still have a whole story to live."

may the Holy Spirit guide your thoughts and actions. may you fully trust in the one who made you. may you relinquish all control to experience the freedom that openly awaits you. may you find joy and peace. may you die to yourself so that you may bring true life.

all things are possible through Him who dwells in me.

take heart, oh child.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

come my child, follow me

this is the beginning.

something brand new.

something fresh.
exciting, exhilarating, joyful.
here is where i put one foot in front of the other. 

here is where i trust, whole heartedly, in my Maker.

quite a while ago i heard a whisper deep inside. it sat in the back of my mind, in my bones, in the bottom of my heart and i pushed it aside until it grew. and it did not stop until i listened.

this whisper was a call.
& it has never been so clear to me that is was the voice of my Poppa, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 

come my child, follow me.

this voice was with me for weeks, tearing my walls down, rattling my bones, shaking me to my core.

Jesus had a different plan for me. 

It no longer involved the concrete plan I had made for myself. He was asking me to drop the safety and comfort of my world and follow Him. 

So I am.

here marks the beginning of a journey to something I know God has  so deeply rooted in my heart. a seed that is growing so tall, so strong, and I want to share it with you.

come my child, follow me.

follow me to a new place, something different then what you intended. so I am embarking on a new journey towards YWAM. Youth With a Mission is an international volunteer movement dedicated to serving Jesus Christ throughout the world. Here I will have the opportunity to be a part of a ministry that is passionate about seeing authentic communities centered on the presence of God raised up around the Earth, spreading the good news of Jesus Christ through discipleship, sharing the unconditional love of Christ, and experiencing His grace. 

i have the opportunity to follow his call to this Discipleship Training Seminar in Kona, Hawaii from January to June of 2012. I am SO EXCITED to be a part of a community that pours out the good word and love of our Father. through this movement I will also be learning about God's character and nature, His voice, growing in my knowledge of the Gospel, worship & intercession, and being a disciple in God's kingdom. Another amazing opportunity I have through this Discipleship Training Seminar is the last two months. This time will be spent on an outreach phase overseas where we will be spending time building relationships with communities and showing light in areas that have never seen it.

I am SO EXCITED to follow my Father's call!

although I do not know what lies ahead for me, i do know to trust in my Fathers plan. I have the opportunity to know my Maker more, to study His word, and to use the gifts and passions He's given me all over the world in order for people to know who He is & fully understand His love.

this is the beginning.
this is me dropping my net and following Him.

this is beauty.

so my friends, family, and even the many of you I may not know, i ask you to keep this ministry & I in your thoughts and prayers for i cannot do this alone! It is only through Christ that YWAM may be made possible & for beautiful relationships to grow from it. I would not be where I am today if it wasn't for Him. He makes beauty from ashes. 

if you would like to help me financially through my journey, please feel free! I need to raise $9,000 by January, so any amount you feel lead to donate is GREATLY appreciated. Checks or cash can be sent to me (so shoot me a comment or email at and i'll send you my address and other details) OR hit the DONATE BUTTON on the right side of the blog & donate to my cause! Most importantly, I just ask for your prayers with this ministry and with every person involved.

Once again, I am so excited to be able to share this with you & can't wait to see how God is moving in all of our lives. Please come back to read more about my journey & feel free to pass the story along!

for in everything we do, we are able to create Heaven here & now.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011


a mouthful of gold lay inside, sweet like honey. there for me to cherish, there for me to savor for all my days to come.