stillness

i have a choice. 

everyday i am confronted with a decision. either to fall into worry & disbelief that the journey ahead of me will happen, or to trust, wholeheartedly, that God can do all things. that He can provide. that He can make YWAM happen.

& i have to remind myself this. daily. 

it's as if my mind tries to destruct all of this strength I have. as soon as I get up on my two feet, right as things are clear & i finally understand and believe, my mind finds every possible excuse, lie, or worry to replace all of the goodness and trust that was just planted.

but God is an intimate & all knowing God. this is when He does really beautiful things that just make me laugh at how silly my thoughts and actions are sometimes.

it's seems only right that i am experiencing these emotions right now, it's as if God has this witty little sense of humor reminding me that this is the time of Advent.

I need to still my heart.

stillness

do you know this word? have you experienced this in your heart?

there have been pure moments in the past few weeks where this tangible peace, this overwhelming sense of stillness has come over my heart. just a little reminder to quiet the thoughts in my head. to fully trust Him.

"remember, there are two things which are more utterly incompatible then even oil and water, and these two are trust and worry...when a believer really trusts anything, he ceases to worry about the thing which he has trusted. & when he worries, it is plain proof that he does not trust." Hannah Whitall Smith

"Jesus has come, Jesus is here, Jesus is coming"
i believe this.

I need to live my life acting like I believe this.

watching for Him.

living for Him.

being radically obedient for Him.

He has called me to go forth. to be a disciple to the Nations.

once struggling with a burden, my dearest friend Frances said this to me: "in that moment, when you choose other than to follow Christ in that decision, you are saying that He is not enough."

when i give in to worry, when i give in to fears and lies and deceptions, I am saying that my Maker is not enough. The one who made me. the one who sacrificed His whole life for me. so that i, a worthless sinner, could live. 

I need to make the choice.

to fully trust in Him.

i'm 1/3 of the way there financially. God provided an immense amount of money to me within a matter or two days last week to get me to this point. i'm 1/3 of the way there.

i can do this.

we can do this.

i will trust him.

i will quiet my mind.

i will still my heart.

i will be like Phillip & radically obey Him.

i will follow Him.